return my video game
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
