I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
