I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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