Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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