I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
