I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
