I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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