All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
