I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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