But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
