let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
