the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
