if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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