Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
