my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
