Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize