I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
