omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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