I will die if light touches me.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
