he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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