I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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