Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
