I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
