well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
