Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
