The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
