They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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