I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
