Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
