Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How does one acquire holy water?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
