I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
