great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
