The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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