so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
