so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
