I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We're too hungover to prance.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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