he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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