Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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