i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
