I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
