id be glad to
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize