Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
