rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
