I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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