last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
