how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
