Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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