She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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