He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
