Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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