Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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