i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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