I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
is it fun? or sober?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
