I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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