he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
