Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
