I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize