Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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