i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize