I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
