My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
In other news, I just burned my penis
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
