i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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