sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
