Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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