He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize