I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
