Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
