Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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