Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
