I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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