You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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