before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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