just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
