that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
