If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
