last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
