Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
