So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He did a backflip because drugs
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
