Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
